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Beating the "What-If" Blues

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Deanne Repich is the Founder of the National Institute of Anxiety and Stress, Inc., an anxiety educator, teacher, and former anxiety sufferer. Deanne created the Conquer Your Anxiety Success Program, a simple, action-oriented "how-to" course that has helped thousands across the globe conquer their anxiety. She also conducts seminars, writes articles, and publishes the free "Anxiety Tips" newsletter.

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Do you find that a lot of your negative thoughts begin with
the words "What-if?" Does one anxious thought lead to another
and another - only to become a negative spiral of worry? When
this happens, you're probably using what-if thinking.

WHAT IS "WHAT-IF" THINKING?

What-if thinking occurs when you make negative predictions
about the future, usually starting with the words "What if?"
Most of us can relate to Juan's story of what-if thinking.
Juan is running a few minutes late to work. The first thought
that pops into his head is: "What if I'm late for my nine o'
clock meeting?"

But his thoughts don't stop there.

His negative thoughts start snowballing. "What if I walk in
late and everyone looks at me? What if I get nervous, start
sweating, and feel embarrassed? What if my boss notices
I can't handle it and I lose my job? What if I can't afford
to feed my family?"

His body responds with a host of symptoms - his heart
races, it's tough to breathe, and there's a knot in
his stomach the size of Texas.

As you can see, when you use what-if thinking, one negative
prediction usually leads to another, and another, and another.
This negative chain has a snowball effect that leads to
intense feelings of anxiety, loss of control, and physical
symptoms.

WHAT YOU CAN DO

Studies show that you have the power to change your thoughts.
When you change your thoughts, you create biochemical changes
in your brain that affect how your body and mind feel and
react. In other words, change your thoughts and you change
your reality!

How do you change your what-if thoughts? You do this by using
the three "R"s - Recognize, Replace, and Reinforce.

1) RECOGNIZE. Keep a small notepad with you. Each time you
notice yourself thinking a what-if thought, write it down.
Writing things down helps you to slow down and expose habitual
negative thoughts to the light of day. If you don't take the
time to write down your what-if thoughts, it's easy to miss
them because you are so used to them.

The Onion Technique.
The following technique can help you peel off layer after
layer of negative thoughts and reach the core negative belief.
I call it the Onion Technique because it's like peeling off
layer after layer of an onion until you reach the core. Here's
how it works. When you are in a fairly relaxed mood, take out
your notepad and open it up to the first what-if thought. Read
the thought and then ask yourself: "And what if that did
happen? Then what would happen?" Write down your answer. Repeat
this process of digging deeper several times, each time asking
"And what if that did happen? Then what would happen?" and
writing down your answer.

After several layers you will reach your core belief - the
belief that is at the root of your fears. In Juan's case he
might reach this core belief: "If I can't feed my family, my
wife and kids will be disappointed in me. They'll leave me and
I'll be all alone." His real fear - what is driving his what-if
thoughts - is his fear of being rejected, unloved, and all
alone if he disappoints the people he loves. That's the belief
that Juan needs to replace in order to beat the what-if blues.
His worry about arriving a few minutes late to the meeting will
fade once he addresses this core issue.

2) REPLACE. Once you've pinpointed the core negative belief,
decide what your new belief will be. Adjust the old belief so
that it promotes your well being and reflects the reality you
want to create. When creating your new belief, make sure to:

-- use the present tense

-- use "I statements"

-- focus on what you want (not what you don't want)

In Juan's case, here are several new beliefs he may want to
use to replace the unhealthy belief:

-- "I am worthy of love, even when I disappoint others."

-- "I am loved for who I am, not how much I earn. I love my
family and we will get through life's challenges together."

-- "Since I am human, I will disappoint the people I love
occasionally. I can be imperfect and still receive love."

When you notice yourself using a what-if thought, stop it
in its tracks. It may help to visualize the word "No"
or "Stop" in big red letters in your mind. This action
interrupts the thought. Then immediately change your focus
by replacing the what-if thought with the new, healthier
thought you created.

3) REINFORCE. Once you have chosen your new belief,
reinforce it several times a day. Say the new belief with
feeling. Believe that it is true, even if only for a moment.
Think it. Say it aloud. Write it down. You can even record
yourself saying the belief for several minutes and then play
it back every night just as you're drifting off to sleep. Just
like any other habit, the more you practice, the sooner it will
become second nature to you.

Making the new belief a part of your life takes time and
consistent practice, but the results are worth it. You chase
away the what-if blues and the physical symptoms that go along
with it. And even better, you change the way you look at life!

Š Copyright March 5, 2002 by Deanne Repich and the National Institute of Anxiety and Stress, Inc.

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